What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 22.06.2025 09:42
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
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I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
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I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
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I write beautiful poetry .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Qui omnis et eius rerum et dignissimos vel.
Im still living with it.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I will be 64.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Why did my ex-narcissist move so fast with his new supply marriage engagement moving in, etc.?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Has Pope Francis signed a document that gay men can now become priests?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
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Put me off passion for life!!
He knew the spot.
I never cut or harmed myself..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
We were not on the streets..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
So, i spoilt her more .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My family never makes their pension either.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But ive been too sick for many years..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was seconnd youngest,
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Why did i forgive my father ?
Comes on , in middle age.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I was 9 years of age.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I was very sick at this time too.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I think the readers, may guess!
I couldn’t, believe it.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Was to survive, this bastard.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She loved him until the end.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
We all went to grammer schools
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Would this be the day?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I waited trembling.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She was in good health!
She found it foreign!.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I don,t even have a pension.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
What did i know ?
I was scared of men, in general
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
As i do to all so called friends.?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She wouldn,t have been !
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Who then, do I blame.?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
So whats the point in blame.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
When she asked me how she looked .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But, we were locked up after school.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She married twice! .
Ive learnt so much.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
One cannot live in the past .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I have no regrets .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I said to her
It was going to be , some day.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
My life is so biszare .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I could never make a relationship work though!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
This is soul school!.
He resisted the act ,that day.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Especially a lifetime of it.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But it wasn’t much.
All the time i was locked up.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And i lived it daily.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.